Go Big Blue!
Hart Of Dixie, Episode 9: Homecoming And Coming Home
Instead of writing a regular recap of this show, I’ve decided to change it up a little and highlight the many egregious southern stereotypes and silly/awesome/weird northern references that are made in each episode. Also, I raise a few concerns—mostly related to inconsistencies with plot, character, and the show’s decision to ignore rules of space and time—that I think need to be addressed.
Southern Stereotypes:
Zoe’s New York party-planner friend Gigi Godfrey asks if it’s all hayrides and chicken fried steak down in Bluebell. Surprisingly, we’ve seen neither of those on the show. That’s our Bluebell, always working to bypass ignorant stereotypes.
The Bluebell townsfolk (of all ages) want chicken fingers. I mean, I love chicken fingers, too, but serving Bar Mitzvah fare at such a swanky party would have been uncouth. Also, talking about the lack of fried food directly to the party planner is just rude. Come on, people, gossip behind her back. I guess the southern thing here is tradition..? If there were chicken fingers at past parties, they should be here now.
Ex-Bluebell football star Jimmy Praboo wants flapjacks. I cannot confirm that the term is restricted to the south, but my research indicates that a flapjack is a thick pancake. I’m going to assume Jimmy, Wade, and George went out for Southern corn meal flapjacks since, well, they’re in the south.
Lemon tells George that as adults they can’t be all footloose & fancy free. While Bluebell doesn’t necessarily remind me of Bomont (the town that outlawed dancing), I would very much welcome a scene in which Wade goes to a warehouse, takes his shirt off, and performs an angry solo dance.
Wade knows a guy who can get tarantulas. Again, there’s nothing inherently southern about this; in fact, I’m pretty sure there aren’t any species of tarantula native to North America (and certainly not the United States). Hmm, I guess Wade has some friends from Africa or Asia—maybe Bluebell isn’t so homogeneous after all. Hooray for multiculturalism.
Gigi makes fun of Zoe’s new found love for Bluebell, and jokes that she probably wants to have redneck babies with the town. Redneck? Really? This is a tired stereotype that belongs in episode 1, if at all. I’m disappointed in you, writers. Lazy.
Northern references:
Gigi answers her phone in NYC and says that Zoe is interrupting her sex with Ryan Gosling. I know that people of all regional backgrounds love Ryan Gosling, regardless of their location north or south of the Mason-Dixon line. But, ever since he did that weird Saturday Night Fever/Joey Tribiani accent in “Crazy Stupid Love,” he just seems more New Yorker than Alabamian.
Gigi brings bagels from Zabar’s. I mean, there’s one Zabar’s and it’s in New York. Easy.
Gigi asks Tom Colicchio to cater Zoe’s party. Thomas Patrick “Tom” Colicchi—famous cook, restaurateur & host of ‘Top Chef’—is a Jersey boy born and raised. I’m classifying him as Northern because of his birthplace (Elizabeth, NJ) and the fact that he has 6 restaurants in the northeast and only 4 in the south.
According to Gigi, Zoe’s dress for the homecoming party is better than the one from Bergdorf Goodman; you know, that same one she wore to Zac’s party. I mean, Berfdorf’s is on 55th & 8th in NYC so, ‘nuff said. And, I’m going to assume that Zac refers to designer Zac Posen, who was raised in SoHo (+2 for the yanks).
My Personal Concerns:
Lavon’s homecoming parties usually involve mix CDs and apple martinis? I mean, the man is an ex-professional athlete, and it’s still the 21st century. Can’t he afford an iHome or a set of speakers? And apple martinis are so early 2000’s.
Lemon pulled a prank on her high school teacher, Mrs. Gleason, because she wouldn’t let her re-take a vocabulary test. Okay, here’s my problem: what types of vocabulary tests are we taking in high school? Perhaps Mrs. Gleason taught Spanish or French or Latin, in which case I might be able to understand a test of this sort taught at the secondary level. But, based on the fact that I’ve never heard Lemon speak a lick of anything other than terribly-accented English, I can’t confirm this for sure.
Gigi claims that it took her 2 hours to fly from New York to Alabama, and that Pierre let her borrow a jet? So, I just trip advisor’d flights from New York’s LaGuardia Airport to Mobile, Alabama (the show reminds us all the time that this is the closest major city to Bluebell); I can’t get a flight less than 4 hours and 51 minutes. Granted, Gigi borrowed Pierre’s (who?) jet, so it might cut down the time in the air, but then she’d have to take a bus to Bluebell, which would only add to the total. Regardless, I’m still betting the travel time exceeded a mere 120 minutes. Also, I hate Pierre.
Is Carl Winslow gay (I don’t know his name on ‘Hart,’ so I’m going to call him Carl Winslow)? I mean, he might just be the most culturally apt citizen of Bluebell, but his exchange with Zoe at the party leads me to believe that he could be into guys: “Fabulous with capital F,” “molecular gastronomy,” “rave review on my blog,” and “truffle foam.” I mean, other than Marcel from ‘Top Chef,” who else likes foam? Gays.
Vet Judson recognizes the cater waiters from their stints as dancers in Burlesque? Are there even male dancers in the movie? Maybe a few of the bartenders dance a little—I’m thinking the “Express” scene—but not enough times for a straight man (this we can confirm after his tryst with Gigi. Ew.) to pick them out of a crowd.
Lemon wears a beret to break Jimmy’s hotel room with George & Wade, while the boys wear ski caps. This isn’t a question, I just love that Lemon wore a beret. Hmm, maybe Mrs. Gleason did teach French?
On that note, how did the mischievous trio break into Jimmy Praboo’s hotel room at all? No, it is not easy to break into a hotel room. I don’t care if you’re in Bluebell, New York, or Kalamazoo, you need a key card (or some experience as a thief), and I cannot believe that Lemon or George or even Wade can get in and out of a person’s room with ease.
After Wade, George, and Lemon bring blue Jimmy to Dr. Hart’s office, we see the good physician holding an X-ray print out. Where did Zoe get an X-Ray machine? Bluebell’s medical practice barely has anything besides a waiting room, an exam table, and some cabinets. How the eff did Zoe get her hands on an X-Ray? Maybe it’s Brick’s own personal machine. Speaking of Brick Breeland, where the eff has he been? More hunting, perhaps..
My favorite part of the episode: When Wanda, the girl wearing a fanny pack at the party, admits that she dances with both hands. (+100 points—I know exactly what you mean, girl. Much easier to finger dance wide with two hands free).
# of times Lavon Hayes refers to himself (Lavon Hayes) in the 3rd person: 3
# medical terms Dr. Hart uses in the episode: 4
- Pertussis
- Group A Strep
- Organa Phsophate Poisoning
- Atropine Injection
Let’s See Where The Evidence Takes Us
The Good Wife, Episode 9: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Last night’s episode of TGW stayed true to its name: WTF!? As is the norm with ‘Wife,’ the best scenes were those laden with sexual tension, passive aggression, verbal karate, and/or all of the above. This season overall has been up and down, back and forth, hot and cold—and, if I’m being 100% honest, never really sure about itself and its direction—but one of my biggest complaints is the under-utilization of its core characters. Luckily, someone up in TV heaven—who I imagine looks pretty similar to Toby Ziegler—got my message, because Diane Lockhart was back in full force this week, and she brought some serious ‘tude and with a side of sass.
The episode sends Alicia and Will back to military court to defend a sergeant in the UAV (Unmanned Aerial Systems) unit accused of disobeying a direct order, which resulted in the deployment of 2 hellfire missiles that killed twelve Afghani citizens, including 6 children. After Captain Hicks (guest-star Patrick Breen, also known as the ‘Will & Grace’ cuddlebum guy) provides the case details, Will assumes the sergeant in question is a dude; but alas, the accused is a lady, Sgt. Gina Elkins (This clever exchange reminds viewers of the show’s recent exploration into sexism, which has been an obstacle for Lockhart/Gardner in recent weeks).
Meanwhile, Kalinda, Eli, and Diane are up to their ears in cheese. The trio is lobbying on behalf of the Dairy Guild against a proposed re-design of the traditional food pyramid. Apparently, the new My Plate design is not a goud-a friend to cheese. Of course, because everything is a conspiracy all the time, Eli is convinced that the produce people have the USDA in their pocket. This is some serious drama, y’all. Amy Sedaris makes an appearance for a hot minute as Stacie Hall, a congressional-aide-turned-fruit-lobbyist, but the great comedienne only appears in 3 short scenes, and none of them really bring the wow-factor that I might have expected (The end of the episode, however, leaves room for her return, so I’ll keep my digits crossed).
Somehow, we jump space and time with Kalinda and are back in the Windy City quicker than she can lace up a sexy leather thigh high. While in a meeting with Eli, she gets a phone call from Cary’s lover co-worker, ASA Dana Lodge. After a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” exchange, one that’s chock full of inaudible flirtation (at least in my head), Kalinda agrees to get Dana a meeting with Diane in exchange for info. on the Will Gardner/Lemond Bishop investigation, which is apparently dying down. Just when us Gardnerds (think Twi-hards, but more mature…and gay) think that Will is off the hook, the youngest Deputy State’s Attorney in history throws a giant wrench into the gears: a pretty, powerful, musically-gifted wrench shaped like a Dreamgirl: Ms. Wendy Scott-Carr.
At this point, part of me is like, “Oh hey, Anika. How you doing, girl? Can we expect a musical episode later this season?” But the other part is me is more “Heeeee (hissing sound). Step back, Princess Tiana, you lost the election, now go back to Broadway.” Anyway, WS-C is here as the appointed prosecutor (Thanks, Cary) hired to take downLemond Bishop Will for his (alleged) ties to judicial bribery.
Let’s swing over to Alicia’s military case for a bit. Judge Leora Kuhn is back on the bench (she appeared in last season’s Double Jeopardy episode), and still out for Will. Alicia takes the reins on the case, this time up against a Captain Moyer for the prosecution (played nicely by Anthony Ruivivar, the dude who played Jimmy Smits’ #2 (and gay) lawyer on the short-lived ‘Outlaw’).
In an attempt to move to the climax of the episode, I’m going to break down the defense’s arguments, in order of their appearance, using as few words as possible:
- Although the missile deployment was deemed not to be worthwhile, there was a delay in the transmission of that message, which provided Gina with a narrow window of time to launch the attack without blame (My argument grade: C).
- Accidental deaths/collateral damage are common in military settings, but the soldiers responsible in other cases are not being prosecuted (My argument grade: B).
- Gina’s co-pilot, Lt. Matt Ventura—who argues that Gina blatantly disobeyed a direct order—is sexist (he even tried to oppose female integration into the submarine force)(My argument grade: D+).
Ultimately, the military panel finds homegirl Gina guilty on all counts, and sends her to the slammer. Outside of the court room, Alicia has an intense conversation with Judge Kuhn about justness, scapegoating, and the truth. In just a few blunt statements, the judge puts Saint Alicia in her place, reminding her that not once in her argument does she mention the 6 innocent Afghani children that were killed in the botched attack. Zap. Finally, someone is willing to drop kick Alicia in the moral bone. I’m not saying that I necessarily believe in universal morality, but it’s about time someone holds a mirror up to our heroine, points out her weird middle part, and then shoves her back into reality.
So, there’s some more finagling on the cheese front, with Eli first trying to partner up with fruit, and then ditching them for the much cooler/more athletic corn people (He wants to poach them from the veggie sector, put them on Team Grain, and then convince them all to get into bed with Dairy—my head hurts from that). Mr. Gold draws up his own food diagram, this time in the shape of a child, with corn as the heart. I find this counterintuitive since my mind goes straight to high fructose corn syrup and childhood obesity, but whatever.. Unfortunately, It appears that Stacie has already got her fruit jam hands all up in them corn stalks. Womp womp. The Dairy Guild fires Eli and he goes straight for the bottle, with a little company from Diane, who finds herself wallowing in a similar pool of self-pity.
You see, Diane has just had it OUT with Will. After a weird meeting with Wendy Scott-Carr, in which the former State’s Attorney nominee was icy and patronizing, Ms. Lockhart realizes that the investigation into Will is damaging to the entire firm. She corners her partner in the elevator and they hit the place where all secret meetings are held: the roof. She talks about loyalty and tells Willy to take care of the allegations against him. Then she gets up real close to his flawless Baltimore-bred face and says two words and then one word that are as loaded as her former conservative lover Kurt McVeigh’s multiple firearms: STOP IT …ALICIA. (**EMMY ALERT**) Hell hath no fury like a Diane—a woman who puts the well-being of the firm above anything else—threatened with joblessness. Now that the affair is officially out in the open, can Wilicia finally have a mature conversation about it? Fingers crossed.
Last thing: Alicia finds out that Nana Jackie was digging around in her laptop, looking for dirt to help Peter get sole custody of Zach and Crazy Grace (SO slimy). Naturally, Alicia changes the locks in her apartment, and is waiting on the other side of the door as soon as Granny comes back for a visit. In one of the most inappropriately appropriate scenes of the season—yes, in my opinion even more so than Wilicia’s fully-clothed upright slam fest—Alicia tears grandma a new one. With lines like, “Look at me, Jackie. Look at my face. You no longer have the power to wound.” Alicia sends a very clear message before slamming the door on—to use Grace’s word—that bitch. Good riddance, abuela savta old lady.
And now, with the family chauffeur out of the picture, it’s off to the dealership to buy Zach a car. Season 1 Alicia would buy him a Volvo, but I’m betting season 3 Alicia is willing to drop dough on something a little more dangerous!
The Dream Team Is Dead?
Parks And Recreation, Episode 8: Smallest Park
The theme of this week’s ‘Parks And Rec’ was redesign. Now, obviously, nothing about the show should change drastically, but last night’s episode did expose many of the characters’ flaws, and then dealt with them accordingly.
The cold open was yet another installment of “Let’s belittle Jerry because it’s hilarious.” Chris asks Tom to “redesign” the P&R logo—which is just a nice way of asking him to pick a new font—and then appoints Jerry as the project’s #2 #3 man. Since the entire assignment is made up of just 2 people, intense laughter ensues.
Leslie and Ben are almost finished with their latest project, the “construction” of Indiana’s smallest park, spanning a mere .000003 square miles. In a private meeting with Les, Ben tells his former flame that, after the completion of the ex-phone booth hub/concrete square/park, he is going to cut down the amount of time he spends with the P&R Dept. Now, I understand where the guy is coming from—he’s like a diabetic working in a whipped cream factory, except his light and fluffy dessert treat is our beloved Leslie Knope. Naturally, Leslie finds this unacceptable and makes a secret plan to rouse up Pawnee’s most vocal citizens to complain about the teeny park and halt up its grand opening.
Meanwhile, simple Andy is looking to redesign himself by taking a single college class. His wifey April encourages him to enroll in something easy for the guaranteed A, but ‘stache-tastic Ron wants Andy to challenge himself (Ron is a proponent of public education. Whoulda thunk?). The trio’s first stop at Pawnee Community College is Guitar For Beginners—whippedhusbandsayswhat. After schooling the rest of his classmates with an funny guitar jargon, Andy is understandably bored and decides to try something else, but not before Ron Suave-son makes a hair-related pass at the teacher.
Leslie hosts a town forum (YAY!) to hear the Pawnee citizens’ complaints about the new park but, aside from the fears of one basketball-hating racist, there’s not much discord among the people. Poor Leslie. Now Operation: Delay Park Opening must fall entirely on her well-blazered shoulders. She creates a ridiculous weekly schedule of events—including midnightly fireworks—to rouse Pawnee-ans to protest. It works, and a small group of picketers takew to the streets to Occupy Pawnee. Ben steps in, puts the cabbash on the civil unrest, calls Leslie a steamroller, and encourages Chris to break up their “Dream Team.”
Back at P&R HQ, Tom has some BIG ideas for the logo redesign, but practical robot Jerry keeps trying to ground him in reality. TH tries to incorporate everything from Jersey mobsters to Apple products to reality competition television into his idea for the new-and-improved Parks Dept. Then, out of nowhere, Jerry drops a hard truth bomb on our little brown dreamer—big ideas without proper execution are what brought down Tommy’s old company, Entertainment 720 (Ya burned). A heartbroken Tom must now contemplates a future in which he’s less like dope-suited Steve Harvey and more like government-drone Jerry Gergich.
After another unsuccessful audit at Introduction to Lasers (where there were neither big nor small lasers to play with), Andy hits up an intro Women’s Studies course, learns about Joan Of Arc and slavery marriage, and is completely sold. However, there’s a problem. When he learns that one course alone will cost $940, he readies himself to sell drugs on the street, but then decides to take up his old shoe-shine job again. Ron, ever the philanthropist, agrees to fund Andy’s college dreams using the gold buried in his backyard a donation from the Ron Swanson Scholarship Fund.
In an attempt to familiarize himself with the Jerry G. lifestyle, Tom lunches on cafeteria triple-decker ham & cheese sammies with his new mentor, while hearing about his 30+ year history with P&R. When Tom sees Jerry’s (haha Tom & Jerry) old ID card from the 70’s, he’s hit with an epiphany that rivals shortened food nicknames (Oh heyy, chicky chicky parm parm): revive the retro logo from the past and harness people’s nostalgia into a desire for expensive memorabilia. Tom gives Jerry a sliver of credit and Chris think the idea is lit’rally the best idea to come out of the department in 100 years.
Meanwhile, Leslie is in vent session #2 with sweet, adorable newborn Ann. In the middle of a typical Knopian rant, Ann interrupts her bff to hold a metaphorical mirror up to her face, and calls her a steamroller (twice in one day. Ouch): Leslie isn’t the best listener, and she tends to force her beliefs—Harry Potter films are amazing and white wine headaches are never worth it—upon those around her. Imbued with a new sense of self-awareness, Leslie sends Ann to convince Ben to meet with her at the mini-park. In one of the most super-cutest scenes of the season, Leslie opens up completely and tells Ben that she is ready to leave him alone, if that’s what he wants. But, she also introduces a second option: they screw Chris (not lit’rally) and his rules and just be together. Now, I’m not exactly sure what happened next because I blacked out from the sweetness of the scene, but I awoke to great on-screen kiss (and smelling salts).
The episode leaves me with a few haunting questions: How can Beslie survive the department rules/Leslie’s campaign? How will Andy handle reading Friedan? And, did Jerry remember to put Tom’s sammie in the fridge before it reached the danger zone? Overall, I’m super happy with this episode. Each week, we laugh at the shenanigans of our lovable Pawnee-ans while ignoring their apparent faults. It’s about time we address Andy’s adult toddler syndrome, Tom’s unrealistic idealism, and Leslie’s steamroller-ness. Now that the writers have brought these shortcomings to the surface, and made the characters themselves aware, we can root even harder for them to succeed.
Two Black Dahlias, And Two Emilys
Revenge, Episode 8: Treachery
Thank the sweet heavens Revenge is back this week. We were pre-empted last Wednesday thanks to a bunch of country folks, but Amanda/Emily has returned to stir up more Long Island drama than any of the Real Housewives Of (City) could ever imagine.
The episode opens with a super angsty Amanda/Emily driving in the dark. Her front seat companion is none other than Emily/Amanda (remember her, the frenemy from juvie who took out creepy security dude Frank in the parking lot of a strip club?). We get a sepia flashback to the duo’s days at Allenwood Correctional Center, where the Emilys/Amandas are deep into a cafeteria scuffle set against a backdrop of fish sticks and gruel. Amanda/Emily is—to distinguish past from present—rocking a super-fly jet-black Asian ‘do while she gets her ass handed to her by scrappy Emily/Amanda. Obviously, the episode is trying to outline the evolution of the two girls’ relationship, from their past days in the clank to their present days offing people. Am/Em brings her gal pal to Nolan’s futuristic glass compound and orders him to babysit her bestie.
Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver (aka Conrad and Victoria Grayson) are at the hospital bedside of ex lover/bff Lydia, who has woken from her coma with chunks of her memory missing. Down on Skid Row, little Jenna Rink Charlotte Grayson exits the Stowaway in a hurry, providing the first of a few walks of shame in this episode. Oh sweet Charlotte, how thy innocence flees before mine eyes. Jack tries to have an awkward sex talk with his brother, Danny Zuko, which makes me blush and giggle and dry heave a little. Back at Grayson Manor, Emily arrives with a breakfast fit for the Goldbergs of Miami—bagels, lox, and schmear…I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were breaking the fast on Yom Kippur. Tyler looks supes greasy, and pretty English Ashley comes out of his boudoir with a very unrealistic oh-don’t-look-at-me-I-just-got-out-of-bed look.
Victoria and Conrad continue their fighting over how best to handle the Lydia situation. Victoria’s solution is to be saccharin sweet to good ole’ Lyds until they can figure out how spin the Frank story. Hunky Daniel quits his bartending gig at the Stowaway, deciding at last to follow in dear daddy’s footsteps and run the family business. Back at Casa Nolan, geeky adult Bieber (I make fun, but I actually find him super cute, especially after last week’s man-on-man love scene) allows Emily/Amanda to grab a free house bikini (ew) out of a bin (I’m sorry, when did the Hamptons get a Target?) while he tries to squeeze her for information about her identity. During the poolside interaction, Amanda/Emily calls Nolan for yet another tech. favor—this time, she needs him to photoshop her out of the 2003 Grayson New Year’s Eve picture. He agrees, of course, because he’s only a 3 on the Kinsey scale and blonde Am/Em is a hot piece.
Daniel begs daddy dearest for the Grayson family internship, much to Tyler’s dismay, at the same time the police call about Frank’s death. Meanwhile, Jack shows up at Nolan’s pad to make amends, but instead makes sexy eyes and Black Dahlia cocktails with Emily/Amanda, who’s still wearing the red bikini-bin bikini. Sidenote: Kudos to the ‘Revenge’ writers for weaving Creme de Cassis—a liqueur used frequently by chef/Hamptons demi-God Ina Garten (the Barefoot Contessa)—into the storyline. Suddenly, Amanda/Emily moseys on in and the scene becomes supes awk real fast.
Later that night, Amanda/Emily sets up a new identity for Emily/Amanda (Kara Wilkins, her own mother’s name…awww…creepers) so that she can skedaddle across the pond to Paris; however, it’s clear that Em/Am does not want to leave. Cut to a super great flashback with bad-ass warden/evil genius/voice-over-actor-of-my-dreams, Allenwood Warden Sharon Stiles (the bananas CCH Pounder). Warden Stiles encourages Amanda/Emily to make an ally out of lonely and misunderstood Emily/Amanda. Back in reality, Lydia remembers the New Year’s Eve photo that she was going to expose, and enlists Victoria’s help in finding it. On the other side of the Grayson estate, Ashley and Tyler throw themselves a super creepy pity party with two guests in attendance: vodka and evil glares. They’re sad/angry because their own “pull yourself up by your bootstraps and hard work” mentality always loses out to butt loads of family money and nepotism.
Smartypants Nolan figures out the Amanda/Emily/Emily/Amanda identity swap and confronts Emily/Amanda about Frank’s disappearance. After he gets the truth, he becomes real paranoid. He expresses to Amanda/Emily his fears of being an accomplice to murder—Nolan is not built to be a prison bitch, except, he kind of is—but she eases his worries with a travel itinerary for her sister-from-another-mister; au revoir Em/Am, take all your secrets with you. Meanwhile, at the Grayson place, Victoria finds the now-photoshopped pic that doesn’t feature Amanda/Emily, which makes Lydia think she’s certifiably insane.
After the police show up at Emily/Amanda’s house to interrogate her on a tip from Victoria, a half-pound of time-stamped smoked salmon steps in to provide an alibi and save Am/Em’s booty. Daniel goes off on his mommy for investigating Amanda/Emily’s past, and he declares that he loves his girlfriend of like 2 months. Poor Vicky, D-money was her last ally in the house. Daniel then asks Amanda/Emily if he can move in with her and, as they share a warm embrace, the camera takes us outside the house where we see that Emily/Amanda—looking real single white female-y—is still very much in the Hamptons.
The episode closes out with another heated interaction between Conrad and Victoria over the Frank sitch. The problem this time is that newly-clueless Lydia overhears the pair exchanging passive-aggressive digs, and learns that it was Frank who pushed her off the roof. After the fight, Victoria comes to check on Lyds—who now fakes a deep slumber (smart!)—and takes the phone out of the room (why?).
There’s one final flashback of Amanda/Emily coming to pick up Emily/Amanda at the end of her juvie stint; she’s got new blonde curly locks, a check for a half-mil, and a favor to ask. The final dramatic voice over shows us 3 things: Daniel creepily staring at Amanda/Emily after he catches her getting back into bed during the wee hours of the morning; Victoria shredding Lydia’s speech, the one that would expose the Grayson’s secrets; and, Tyler piecing together said shredded speech. And just when we think it’s over, Emily/Amanda walks into the Stowaway after hours. She lets Jack ogle her, orders two cocktails, and tells the bar keep she’s here to stay.
Thankgsiving Is A Long Time Coming
New Girl, Episode 6: Thanksgiving
So, along with the completely average episode title, I’d say this week’s ‘New Girl’ was just that: average. Don’t get me wrong, this show’s average is—at the moment—above average for a lot of other primetime shows (I’m looking at you, ‘Pan Am’). But, much like Pinocchio I cannot tell a lie, and the truth is that the last two episodes of ‘Girl’ were laugh-out-loud hilarious. There were a few LOL moments this week, but overall it was just good.
The episode starts with, of course, a school’s Thanksgiving pageant. Directing the Turkey spectacular is Paul (guest star Justin Long), a fellow teacher at Jess’ elementary/middle/high school? Sidenote: The coustumed-out students look closer to legal age than not, which confuses me since I can’t imagine that many high schoolers would respond positively to Jess whipping out her feeling stick during homeroom. Moving on. Since Jess is such a mensch—and because she loves any excuse to sing about turkeys and big hats (just a guess)—she volunteers to help with the production. Insert funny line here: {“I’d better go warm up the gourds}.
After hearing about the tragic passing of Paul’s nana, Jess invites him over to her ginormous loft to celebrate T’Giving with the roomies. Not surprisingly, Nick, Winston, and Schmidt (Grumpy, Boring, and Douchey-In-A-Cute-Way) are less-than-thrilled with Jess’ decision to host the holiday. After some caveman-esque grumbling about beer and football and Best Buy?, Jess wins over Schmidt by promising to invite her hot Indian model best friend, Cece. And, of course, she’s totally available.
Question: What are the odds that 5 different people have zero holiday plans with their families? Yes, Nick is from Chicago. Fine. And I’m guessing, after that traumatic dinner-table scene with the bunny costume, that Schmidt is estranged from his parents. That leaves Winston, Jess, and Cece. Winston should be itching to see his family after two years in Latvia, but I won’t judge. Maybe Cece’s family lives in India? Nope. Jess and Cece went to school together. Okay, I guess Indian families might not celebrate Turkey Day? Fine. Whatever. I guess it’s not that important, but it still bothers me.
So, Paul arrives at the firehouse loft with a skinny tie and a violin. Of course, we—and the roommates—quickly come to learn that Paul is Jess’ male twin; not literally, but he’s quirky and goofy and silly just like her (Dare I say, adorkable? No. Sorry). Former fat boy Schmidt is banished to the kitchen, while Cece hovers over him drinking a predictable martini.
Sensing some hostility from her roommates directed at her date, Jess begs Nick to be nice to Paul, and to make him feel at home. The dudes try to bro out with Paul while Jess exits for a wardrobe change. Nick can’t get past the pumpkin ale and Paul’s complete lack of football knowledge, but Winston bonds with Man-Jess over the recent deaths of their grandparents (Um, isn’t that MORE of a reason for Winston to spend the holiday with his family?).
Jess comes back out in a new outfit, which I’m 98% sure she bought off of the costume designer on the Lifetime Original, “The 19th Wife:” it’s real sister-wifey. The red frock is embellished with a pink bow, which makes it a lot more sister, and a lot less wife.
Some other stuff happens—Cece tries hard to gross out a very obsessive-compulsive-when-in-the-kitchen Schmidt with some food shenanigans, Paul and Nick ride dirty awkward together to the supermarket, and the turkey in the dryer forces the gang to re-locate from their now smoke-filled loft to the non-smoky one next door. Oh no, Thanksgiving is ruined. Worry not fair maiden, for Jess has purchased a self-healing turkey that magically re-cooks itself after getting blown up in a dryer. So, we’re all good on that front.
Jess, sensing the tension between Paul and Nick, pulls Grumpy aside and stage whispers to him how much she likes her violin-playing co-worker. She likes him so much that she wants to have BIG-TIME sex with him, which seems to include all the typical moves: The Bear Attack, What’s For Lunch, and Give Me That Hat. Sidenote: I’ve done 2 out of those 3—mine was more of a brunch than a lunch—but that’s neither here nor there.
Ultimately, the public sex talk isn’t what scares Paul away. No, it’s the dead body of the gang’s neighbor, Ms. Beverly, poised gracefully on her toilet that sends him weeping into the emergency blanketed arms of an 911-responder. Womp womp.
Jess is sad about how things ended with Paul, but she accompanies her roomies to Best Buy for some Black Friday deals (aka a new dryer). Nick apologizes to Jess in a super cute grumpy way—a nice tactic by Liz Meriwether to further showcase the dynamite chemistry between the two—and they giggle and get over it.
But then, alas, out of the mist comes her knight in shining emergency blanket. Yes! Paul is back, and he’s moved on since his dance with death (I assume the quick recovery is all thanks to a psychic medium who works Thanksgivings). He tells Jess he likes her, she tells him she likes him back, and the two skip off into the early morning whilst performing an impromptu duet.
So Grumpy, Boring, and Douchey-In-A-Cute-Way are left in line together, one roommate down, to buy a new dryer, which they now have to split 3 ways instead of 4 (…good thing they’re getting a deal).
